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"The
impact and the depth of traditional wedding vows should not be overlooked."
About Traditional
Wedding Vows
by
Mariano Tomaszewski.
Copyright
© 2006. All rights reserved.
The exchange of
wedding vows is often considered to be the most significant part of the
ceremony or the heart of the entire wedding service. Wedding vows carry
a solemn and serious promise, a pledge made publicly, by which a man and
a woman express their desire and readiness to commit themselves and
accept each other into a new kind of permanent relationship known as
marriage or matrimony.
Just like various
types of wedding ceremonies also wedding vows may have their distinctive
characters. The vows cover a vast spectrum of possibilities ranging
from religious and spiritual such as “Catholic” or “Christian wedding
vows” through “traditional wedding vows,” “romantic,” “unique”, “funny,”
“personalized,” “original,” all the way to “modern,” “celebrity,”
“secular,” “non-religious marriage vows,” etc. The above examples
illustrate that wedding vows may vary according to each couple. It is
so because marriage vows frequently reflect the beliefs, values, and
cultural upbringing of the bride and the groom and also, to some extent,
the makeup and the spirit of their families.
Just as there is a
correlation between the words “wedding” and “marriage” there is a deeper
meaning in the expressions “traditional wedding vows” and “traditional
marriage vows.” The wedding day, and particularly the wedding ceremony,
indicate the first moment of marriage for the bride and the groom. It
is at this time that they are becoming husband and wife uniting their
lives for better or worse. In popular terminology “wedding vows” and
“marriage vows” are synonymous. They are kept as such also on this
website. Yet, deep inside the two kinds of vows are a little different
especially from a spiritual perspective. Thus, “wedding vows” are the
audible words or other visible forms of expression (e.g., sign language)
by the means of which the bride and the groom manifest their initial
acceptance and commitment to each other. This commitment assumes the
form of life-time “marriage vows” that need to be renewed on a daily
basis as the couple journeys through various roads of married life.
While the “wedding vows” are basically a one-time event the “marriage
vows” are a living ongoing commitment of the spouses to love, cherish,
take care of each other, be loyal and faithful to each other always. In
this way “wedding vows” are the material (belonging to sphere of senses)
manifestation of “marriage vows” which are a spiritual reality nurtured
through committed lives of husband and wife.
In general most of
traditional wedding vows expressed during marriages officiated in
churches have a religious character. On the other hand, during
ceremonies celebrated outdoors wedding vows might range from religious
to secular often being a mixture of both. Religious wedding vows,
Christian or Catholic vows being examples, involve a reference to God or
Jesus Christ. This reference may point to God being a witness to the
mutual commitment of the bride and the groom with such phrases as “in
the name of God” or “so help me God,” “I promise God and I promise
you…,” “according to God’s holy ordinance…,” “to be your faithful
companion until Christ calls us home…,” “to love and to serve you as
Christ commands…,” etc. Conversely secular wedding vows omit references
to God, Jesus or other religious references. Secular wedding vows are
essentially focused on the promise of love, companionship, acceptance
and commitment of each other. They are founded on great “personal
promises” that a bride and a groom mutually manifest. While religious
wedding vows tend to have God or Jesus Christ as a witness to the
couple’s consent and a helper on the journey of their married life, in
the non-religious vows the emphasis is shifted toward the couple
itself. It is the “unconditional love” and personal integrity of
the bride and the groom that in this case supply sufficient grounds for
the life time commitment and the fuel for the daily faithfulness to this
commitment for the next ten, twenty-five, fifty, seventy-five or
whatever the next anniversary. The above differentiation between
the secular and religious vows does not imply that couple’s who choose
to pronounce their vows without explicit references to God, Jesus, or
other religious symbols are essentially a “godless” people. Even,
one of the official Catholic wedding vows has no religious reference and
is based on the mutual promise of the spouses to be. So the choice
between a religious or secular phraseology of the wedding vows might depend on the
bride and groom’s personal spiritual outlook and the matter of
emphasis. Traditional wedding vows are typically short and there is
neither time nor a need to say everything that is important to the
couple. Even if you don’t include God or Christ in your marriage vows
but in general your wedding ceremony has a religious character (prayers,
blessing, a reading from the Bible, a clergy person for the officiant)
then such references are implied.
Spiritual wedding
vows are not synonymous with religious wedding vows. Religious marriage
vows come in the context of a particular religion (Christian, Jewish,
Muslim) or a specific Christian denomination (Roman Catholic, Orthodox,
Protestant, Baptist, Methodist, Episcopalian, etc.). Spiritual wedding
vows are more general when it comes to references to God. For example
some kinds of new-age wedding vows have a spiritual character although
the concept of God in the new-age perspective might be very different
than the typical monotheistic view of Christianity or Judaism.
The same may be said about Hinduism, Buddhism and other Eastern
philosophies and religions where there is a notion of the Absolute,
eternal energy, etc., but is not a personal God as understood for
example by Christians. In this way spiritual wedding vows presuppose a
Higher Power or Intelligence although avoiding precise and defined
references to the nature of the Divine.
Even though there
are hundreds of options for choosing and expressing wedding vows,
sometimes with a modern or shocking twist, many couples look for samples
of traditional wedding vows. This is not surprising when we consider
that the concepts of marriage, wedding, and matrimony are so frequently
intertwined with cultural and religious traditions. Thus traditional
wedding vows carry their own depth and power because they have been
expressed by millions of couples over long periods of time. In
addition, various examples of traditional wedding and marriage vows
illustrate their brevity. This laconic and terse nature of traditional
wedding vows (see samples on this website) clearly suggest that they
express the substance of what the marriage promises are about.
Presently the
Wedding Ceremony Center offers free samples of Catholic wedding vows and
the so-called “Christian wedding vows” which are basically examples of
traditional wedding vows used in various churches with Protestant
backgrounds. Sample wedding vows offered here can be either used “as
they are” in a actual wedding ceremony or taken as the raw material and
modified according to couple’s circumstances. Some of the examples of
wedding vows on this website come also in other languages: Catholic
wedding vows in Spanish (Spanish wedding vows) and Catholic wedding vows
in Italian (Italian wedding vows).
Additional Resources for Traditional Wedding
Vows and Alternatives
Barbara Eklof. With These Words I Thee Wed: Contemporary Wedding Vows
for Today’s Couples. 1989.
Bette Matthews. Wedding Toasts and Vows. 2001.
Carley Roney. The Knot Guide to Wedding Vows and Traditions:
Readings, Rituals, Music, Dance, and Toasts. 2000.
Carmella Antonino. Beyond the Wedding Vows: Circumstances, Choices,
Consequences. 2001.
Cathy Howes. Wedding Vows and Traditions: 1000 Hints, Tips and Ideas.
2005.
David Glusker. Words for Your Wedding: The Wedding Service Book.
1986.
Diane Warner. Complete Book of Wedding Vows. 1996.
Diane Warner. Diane Warner’s Complete Book of Wedding Vows: Hundreds
of Ways to Say “I Do.” 2006
Flavia Weddn. Vows of Love: A Wedding Journal and Planner. 1999.
Flavia Weedn. Vows of Love: Wedding Guest Register. 1999.
Graham Garrison. Groomed: From Proposal to Vows, Wedding Planning and
an Engagement From a Groom’s Point of View. 2005.
H. Norman Wright. The Complete Book of Christian Wedding Vows: The
Importance of How You Say “I Do.” 2003.
Harry Moscatiello. Deadly Wedding Vows. 2005.
Janet Anastasio. The Everything Wedding Vows Book: Anything and
Everything You Could Possibly Say at the Altar – And Then Some.
2001.
Jennifer Cegielski. Wedding Words: Vows. 2005.
Kerry McDonald. Your Unique Wedding: Say “I Do” With A Twist.
2005.
Lois Smith Brady and Edward Keating. Vows: Wedding of the Nineties
from the New York Times. 1997.
Michael Macfarlane. Wedding Vows: Finding the Perfect Words.
1999.
Neale Donald Walsch, et al. The Wedding Vows from Conversations with
God. 2000.
Noah benShea, Jordan benShea. A World of Ways to Say “I Do:” Unique
Vows, Readings, and Poems to Make Your Wedding Day Your Own. 2003.
Peg Kehret. Wedding Vows: How to Express Your Love in Your Own Words.
1989.
Robyn S. Passante. The Pocket Idiot’s Guide to Wedding Vows.
2006.
Scott Scheer. “I Do” for Men: A Practical Approach to Honoring Your
Wedding Vows. 1999.
Sharon Naylor. Renewing Your Wedding Vows: A Complete Planning Guide
to Saying “I Still Do.” 2006.
Steve Durkac. Five Steps to Writing Memorable Wedding Vows.
2006.
Susan Lee Smith. Wedding Vows. 2001.
Susan Lee Smith. Wedding Vows: Beyond Love, Honor, and Cherish.
1999.
Virginia Reynolds and Kerren Barbas. Little Pink Book of Weddings:
The No-nonsense Guide to Toasts, Tips, and Vows. 2006.
Wendy Paris, Andrew Chesler. Words for the Wedding: Creative Ideas
for Choosing and Using Hundreds of Quotations to Personalize Your Vows,
Toasts, Invitations, and More. 2001.
Copyright © 2006 by Mariano Tomaszewski. All rights reserved under
U.S., and international law.
Except for Public Domain texts or quotations from other sources none of
the Contents or Structure of this website may be copied or
reproduced
without the expressed written permission from the
WeddingCeremonyCenter.com administration.
Any violation of this copyright will be vigorously pursued in a court of
law. Violators' sites will be tracked and shut down.
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